Trinity Part 6

It Isn't Your Fault

As I sat there in my wheelchair looking at Trinity I noticed something, a pack of cards on her bed table. “Huh. Odd.” I said to myself. I wheeled over beside her and I positioned myself so I could hold her hand while facing the doorway. Across from her bed was a painting of a mountainous landscape, not as serene of the meadow in my room. It felt alone and troubled, something no one wants to feel. Yet that's what I felt right then. I was alone, I was troubled with all that went on… all that was still going on. I gave out a sigh as I gripped Trinity’s hand tighter and her doctor walked in. A shorter younger doctor, she introduced herself. “Hello, Mr.Cole. I’m Doctor Garneau.” She smiled quickly and got to business. “Since you aren’t 100% innocent you can't be in here.” I was taken back, not 100% innocent? But she was right, if I just noticed the car sooner or if I took her for that swim at Tom’s instead of going to the park… I let go of Trinity’s hand and wheeled closer to Doctor Garneau and said: “I guess not.” I hung my head and wheeled my chair back down the hall to the elevator. Doctor Garneau closed Trinity’s door behind me. I looked down at the floor and wondered how I could have let this all happen.

“It Isn’t your fault.” I looked up to see the bright-eyed nurse Gillian. She approached me and crouched down to look at me. “ I know you think it is, but it isn’t.” She put her hand on my shoulder then got up to push me to the elevator. “It sure feels like it’s my fault Gill. If she never met me none of this would have happened.” She pressed the button to summon the elevator. “But if she never met you things could have ended up a lot worse.” “I … I guess.” We entered the elevator and were silent the whole way back to my room. She opened the door and wheeled me in and said: “I work a double today so I’ll be here tonight, so if you need me you know where I’ll be.” “Yes, I do!” She helped me up onto my bed and hung the I.V bags from the hanger on the chair to the hanger beside my bed. I sat in my bed looking at the painting of the meadow as Gill left the room. The sun had set past the horizon, for real this time and I was all alone.

At least that’s what I thought, I wasn't really alone. I had myself and everything going on in my head. I leaned back against the plastic headboard and intensified my gaze into the painting. I sat back and started to think, over think, analyze, over analyze, panic and become afraid. I also asked my self questions, Why isn’t trinity awake? Why isn’t anyone telling me why?. Hows the investigation going? Did that pervert get caught? Did my description help? Am I the cause of all this trouble? I couldn't get the questions off my mind… Suddenly Gillian entered the room shattering my gaze into the yellow meadow. “What’re you doing up so late?” she put her hands on her hips and smiled, this all seemed oddly familiar. She walked over and slumped down into the green chair. “How old are you Zachariah?” “You don’t know?” “I may be amazing but I'm not a mind reader.” “No, like.. don't you have a file out there at your station?” “Yeah, I do.” She looked right at me and I could see on her face that she was genuinely curious. “I feel like I'm 40.” “With the things you’ve seen…you might as well be.” “How do you know what I’ve seen?” “I can see it on your face.” There was a pause, we just exchanged nods. “ Why did you check up on me?” “ You’re room is the only room with their lights on. All the kiddies are asleep except you.” “You know i don’t sleep well Gill, That's how we met.” “ I know.” “Are you okay Gillian? I feel like you’re… not.” “Is it that obvious?” “Yes, it’s on your face,” I said slightly mocking her from earlier. She smiled briefly, “ I’m just a bit sad.” she slouched down into the chair further. “Why?” “Guess?” I thought about it and then I just took a shot in the dark. “You’re sad because she left you.” Gillian was shocked, she sat straight up and said: “ How did you know?” “I Didn’t just what I thought.” “Really?” “Yes, But Gill. it is not all bad if its meant to be she will come back. if it isn’t you will find someone. you're a beautiful young lady, you have lots of time.” “Well, Thanks oh wise monk Zacharia.” She bowed slightly. “ No problem.”

The Other nurse poked her head in and asked “ Mr.Cole?” “Yes?” “May I ask to whom you're speaking to?” “Nurse Gillian!” I pointed and looked over to the green chair to see no one was there. I looked back at the nurse in the doorway with my mouth open but no words coming out. “I …. I ….I” She spoke, “ I think you're just a bit over exhausted, try getting some sleep.” She turned off the lights and closed the door. I found the darkness of my room oddly welcoming as I cried and soon fell asleep.

Two days passed at a snail's pace, A visit from my uncle each day and from Miss Coulder. She and I exchanged witty banter and philosophical conversation. Then finally Monday rolled around. I awoke to my father at the foot of my bed with a duffle bag. “Hey, willy.” “Hey, dad.” “c’mon” He threw some clothes at me from out of the bag. “I'm breaking you out of this joint.” He smiled and turned around, I got up and started changing into my clothes. “How have you been?” “Well as you can see I am in the hospital.” “I know that you doofus, I'm asking if you’re okay.” I paused and said, “ Yeah, I am.” “Good, Cause the first thing we're gonna do is eat I'm starving!” “Awesome! let's do it!” I started walking to the door when he turned to me and hugged me really tight. “I'm sorry I wasn't here buddy.” “It's okay,” He let go of me and we proceeded to leave. On our way out into the main foyer I saw her “Gillian! Hey!” But I blinked and no one was there. “Who what now?” my father asked. I shook my head and looked around. “I thought I saw someone.” “You must still be a bit loopy, C’mon let’s go.” we continued on to the car, I jumped in and we headed off to the closest sit-down restaurant we could find.

“Tell me everything.” My dad made sure to ask this question right as I had a fork full of food in my mouth. “Well…” I said as I swallowed my food. “Start from the top, I want the truth. and I need to know it.” “You don't actually think that I…” “God No! I know you didn't, but I need to know what happened because One I need to know how to word this all to your mother, Two I care about you, Three I’d like to know what you went through so I can properly help you through this.” I looked up at him and his brow raised in a ‘so what do you say?’ sort of way. So I told him everything in more detail than i told the psychiatrist, and maybe in more detail then I wrote here.

“Well, it seems like you’ve been through more than an ordeal.” “I guess.” “Well it will be in the past soon enough, you will be cleared of wrongdoing. Then your friend will be right as rain and running around with you in no time.” “I hope so Dad.” We finished our meal shortly after and left promptly. My Dad brought home to my place, and left for work… Alone again.

A few hours later I was standing in the kitchen recollecting the other day when Trinity and I had breakfast together. I let my mind wander and enjoy the memory. I then snapped and scoffed. I barely know this girl… I thought to myself. Why can’t I stop thinking about her? I laughed and started cleaning, I didn’t have much else to do. Until my father called me that is.

“Hey! Guess what !” “you miss me that much dad? it’s only been a few hours !” “ I miss you a lot buddy, but you’re cleared of any wrongdoing 100%. Armstrong called and told me the news.” a smile swept my face, and suddenly I was standing a bit straighter. “finally!” “I know, I love you son.” “love you too dad!” And he hung up. A sigh of relief escaped from my mouth as I felt the worry slip from my mind. Then just as it slipped away, my worries of everything else reminded me that they were there.

A full week had passed, and I didn't really do much I sat at home thinking and hoping, aimlessly surfing the internet, listening to music and pondering the past events. I got pretty antisocial and withdrawn, go so far as to appear offline so no one would talk to me. My Father swung by before he had to leave again, we stalked the fridge and off he went. After that I didn't have much social interaction until the doorbell rang, it startled me because it was unexpected. I quickly went down the hallway to notice a shadowy figure through the opaque windows of the front doors. I was surprised because everyone knew to go to our side doors, we rarely used the front doors, I used them for the first time in ages the other day with Trinity. But that couldn't be her? I opened the door…

And was quickly greeted with a hug from Trinity, She started apologizing and I started to laugh. She pulled away from me and had a serious face. “Are you okay? Why are you laughing?!” “I was just thinking about you.” I shut the door behind her as she started to walk in. “So you're no longer asleep I see!” she gave me a very serious look “Zach…” “Trinity!” “Stop that!” “Stop what?” I asked. “I'm trying to apologize!” “No no, no need. you didn't do anything wrong, Trinity.” “You ended up in the hospital! My Doctor said you were under investigation for attacking me! I just can't stand here and pretend I didn't just put you through hell!” “Settle, before you hyperventilate.” We exchanged looks and she took a breath. I spoke up and said, “I’m fine, You're now fine, Yes?” She nodded “Then let's be happy that were okay right now!” “But I'm not okay, and I'm sure you're not either.”

I looked to the ground and thought for a brief moment. She is right, I'm not okay. Mentally I'm a mess, with everything that transpired. it all happened so fast. But what am I to say to her? What does she want to hear? “Trinity, you want to sit down?” She smirked and rolled her eyes and made her way to the living room, She sat down on the couch and I sat down in the armchair. “So… Tell me, are you okay?” “ I don't know what okay even is anymore.” She shook her head and continued “ Do you remember what happened at all?” “What do you mean? do I remember … the assault?” “ Do you remember falling to the ground?” “No, I remember bright lights and then nothing.” “Well those lights were a car, and they called 911, for us and… they took you in an ambulance….” “Well I assumed something like that happened but why are you bringing it up?” “You were injured because of me!” She yelled and stood up off of the couch. “My friend, Hurt! trying to help me.” Her voice trailed off as she slunk back into the couch. “Trinity you were hurt as well! You were bleeding and well uh you were the one who uhm was targeted.” “ Who was raped, I know, I know.” “Then let's just agree were both not okay we both went through a lot of shit Trinity.” “What even is okay?!” She started to cry “‘Cause I can't remember.”

A few minutes pass and we both have calmed down and I started making dinner. she was sitting at the island right behind me and I was at the stove, cautiously grilling our grilled cheese sandwiches. She sighed and said, “How can you be so chill with everything?” I laughed a bit and replied saying I didn’t know it was just who I was. “Just who you are? No there has to be more to it than that.” She paused and raised her eyebrow expecting an answer. I glanced over to see the expression on her face “There's no deeper meaning I'm just able to process things… differently. Okay?” “Alright, then keep your secrets not meaning to overstep or anything but can I sleep here tonight?” “I already thought you were.” She smiled. “Where else would you go? If you don't mind me asking.” “No I don't mind, I have a couple of friends.” “But you’d rather stay here?” “If you don't mind!” “I don't mind at all.”

Instantly I thought about what to do tonight to show her that life can still be fun… life can still be filled with good.“Don’t” she said. “What?” “Smokes coming off of your head your thinking so hard! you're also burning the grilled cheese.” I looked and noticed I was, I swiftly retrieved the grilled cheese sandwiches and placed them on the plate for Trinity and I. I grabbed the ketchup from the fridge and handed it to Trinity and she squeezed some out onto her plate and began to eat. she started talking with her mouth full “What do you want to do?” “Eat.” I took a bite out of my grilled cheese sandwich. “Not right now you goof after we eat.” She smiled. “What would you like to do Trinity?” “Honestly?” “ Of course!” “ I have no clue I don't really have anyone to go back to…” “What about those friends?” “I lied,” she replied promptly. “He wouldn't let me have friends. All I really have is you.” “Well there has to be someone, How did you get here in the first place, Who released you from the hospital?” “….My mom.”

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